They say you never miss the water until it is gone

I dreamt about DARLING. My dearest irenegirl.
It was this place, this same kitchen /backyard that i previously dreamt about her, in the same "kennel". the kennel looked big, but had a small opening.

this time, someone had turned the kennel door over to face the wall on the other side to prevent the lights shining in too brightly.

in the dream, almost felt like i have neglected darling for a while. perhaps far too long. this kitchen looked a little like the old connaught's kitchen, with a little difference. but i have no doubt i've dreamt of this same kitchen a few other times. we were having a party of some sort apparently. i was too busy having fun. i forgot about her (how could i?) then i was washing dishes when she came walking to me.

Then it must be a while later because i went over to her kennel. and had to call her out. she came walking slowly out. the same lazy way she had been in the latter days. then when she was at my knees, i immediately grabbed her and hugged her so tight. So so tight i never want to let go. i was kissing her. hugging her.

I really don't want to let go. now after almost a year, i'm still missing her because of her. because someone who had been with you for 12 years whom you treasure so much but then i can't help thinking that there were times i might've neglected her while i had fun myself. too busy with life. too busy to rememeber to feed her. is gone. While she loyally sat by me when i was busy. busy playing. busy packing. busy onlining. busy studying. she would literally sit by my side.

when i was upset she seemed to know and came over and licked me knowingly.

Sure i do keep saying i want a dog. But i know no matter what even if i have another dog, no one can ever replace the love of my life. The most loyal bestfriend i ever had. My dearest darling. I want to just hold her once more and never let go. i want her back. :(

i'm homesick sick. and crying my eyes out. missing everyone at home. missing irene. missing home. yet i cant call mom because i wouldnt know what to say even if i had her on the line. it would only make her sadder that i am sad. talk to friends?but what good would it be. Doesnt change the fact that i am still here and still homesick.

I woke up late because i wanted the dream about irenedear to last longer. and because i didnt have time today, until before i close my eyes to sleep.. that's when the memories of the dream and of her all comes flooding in. I bet i would've otherwise waken up crying.